


Shameless

by kjonginexo



Series: Song Fics [4]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Friends With Benefits, Happy Ending, LOTS OF ANGST AND PINING AND SADNESS, M/M, Soft Jongin, a sehun who gets really sweet, bottom jongin is HERE, good amounts of fluff though, implied smut because i hate writing smut scenes, of course this is my fic bottom jongin exists
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-16
Updated: 2018-03-16
Packaged: 2019-04-01 00:59:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,532
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13987053
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjonginexo/pseuds/kjonginexo
Summary: Sehun and Jongin are friends with benefits until a fight leaves everything awry, and he realizes how he feels for him.I suck at descriptions.





	Shameless

**Author's Note:**

> SO i based this song off the song from the weeknd shameless, and my actual life so this took forever n a day to write bc i got sad so i took breaks and i got sad writing the end so if its a lil rushed.. forgive me.

Sehun studied Jongin’s sleeping figure in the bed, his back was facing him, hair sprawled against the white pillowcase. He was shirtless, tan skin that usually appeared golden was painted in the silver rays of the moon. Sehun’s paler fingers were running along the dip of his spine, leaning closer to place soft kisses across his shoulders, some scattered messily against the back of his neck. His lips were feather light but it was as if Jongin wasn’t fully asleep, stirring beneath the affection for a throaty grumble to escape his lips. “Sehun?”

Sehun pulled away to conceal the smile on his face, mumbling out lowly. “You’re awake still?” Jongin yawned, turning around as he stretched out, eyes sleepy and half lidded as he moved to rest his hand on Sehun’s chest. “I wasn’t, but I sleep light. Why are you still awake?” Sehun’s fingers moved to brush through Jongin’s hair, moving them away from his eyes with a soft sigh escaping his lips. “I have to go,” Jongin’s eyes were fully opened now, lips pursed together from what Sehun could make out but it went away before he could definitively say that’s what it was. “Right, have a safe trip back home.”

The blanket was shed from his lithe pale body, making his way to the pile of discarded clothes on the floor, picking and choosing what was his and slipped them on. “Bye, Jongin, see you tomorrow.” Jongin didn’t answer, either deciding to stick to the commitment of going back to sleep or already was. Sehun didn’t press for an answer either, making his way out of the bedroom and through the other male’s tidy apartment filled with cozy furniture and knick knacks to make it labeled Jongin’s place. His fingers clumsily opened the door, stepping out into the apartment building hall, locking it before stepping out and fixed whatever disheveled clothes he had in his outfit from dressing in the dark.

Sehun always left after they had their hookups, Jongin always preferred to stay. It depended where they were but if he was at Jongin’s place or someone else’s, he left first, he always left Jongin to wake in the bed alone whereas Jongin always stayed with him until the next morning. For a year, their friends with benefits relationship continued like that, even from the start. Sehun figures Jongin stays in the bed because he always falls asleep since he’s tired after Sehun fucking into him to go home, but even in Sehun’s tiredest moments he finds the energy to leave.

 

Jongin and Sehun had been friends for five years, they met in University along with their small clique of friends and even as they branched out to different jobs in the busy city of Seoul, they remained close. Their clique consisted of them, Kyungsoo, Baekhyun, Chanyeol, and Jongdae. Sehun definitely had options on the level of having any strictly sexual relationship, strangers, people in his office who hit on him, old college flames, even his other friends, but no one seemed as slightly as appealing to him than Jongin.

Sweet Jongin who always wore pastel colored sweaters or button downs that made him look ridiculously handsome without a single effort, never dyed his hair, avoided coffee at all costs, loved dogs, enjoyed teddy bears to the point of owning a scarf with teddy bear prints on it, etc. Jongin has always been someone Sehun’s wanted to fuck since the day he saw him in his composition class, he was wearing a light blue button down that day with the top two buttons undone, tight skinny jeans clinging to this thicker thighs, black hair falling in front of his eyes and plush lips jutted into their natural pout. Instead of fucking him then, Jongin didn’t quite understand that his advances were flirting and they became friends.

Jongin was easily loved by everyone in Sehun’s friend group, he was the last to be welcomed in but they treated him better than Sehun ever got treated but he felt no resentment to Jongin for it. Jongin is a sweetheart, cares so easily for everyone and shows overwhelming amounts of love to them, attention, affection, he’s the ideal friend that easily makes up for what everyone was lacking. Sehun still felt attracted to Jongin, throughout the course of their four years of friendship he’d still try to flirt with him which always went right over his head.

It wasn’t until Baekhyun hosted a party for his office that Jongin finally welcomed Sehun flirting with him, he was shy with a blush to his already red cheeks, giggling and hiding his face in Sehun’s shoulder. They danced on one another, slow grinds with pants in between until Jongin needily whisper whined into his ear to fuck him. Baekhyun’s bedsheets were used that night, but Baekhyun didn’t care fortunately when he came into his room later to find a naked Jongin and Sehun passed out in them. It was Sehun’s idea to have their friendship be with benefits, and Jongin took some convincing on the idea but he agreed with another blush coating his cheeks.

There were a few things Sehun could never ever get tired of when it came to being with Jongin. One of them being how it feels to kiss him, Jongin’s soft lips that always had a faint trail of toothpaste lingering in his mouth with the natural salt of his lips, enveloping his own thin pink ones, the way Jongin’s tongue would always flick teasingly against his own and how he’d become pliant if Sehun wanted him to. The other seeing Jongin on his knees letting Sehun fuck into his mouth, lips spread to accommodate to Sehun’s cock with tears pricking the corners of his eyes. Another being seeing Jongin’s chest flushed and arched up against Sehun’s, tan thighs wrapped around his waist with his mouth agape and eyes rolled back into his head with a mantra of Sehun’s name and pleas of more and curse words spilling from his mouth.

Fucking Jongin is something Sehun would never tire of, Jongin could do anything Sehun wanted him to, try anything he was interested in, go more than once in a single night, be more than willing to do anything the next day despite having a sore ass or tired thighs. It helped that Jongin was excruciatingly beautiful in any shape or form. He looked beautiful when Sehun’s fingers were wrapped around his throat, making his skin appear tanner or when his back was slicked with sweat giving him the impression to look toner than he already is, or when he rides Sehun and his eyes are glassy with pleasure and need. Sehun thinks he’s the prettiest when he has his face buried in the crook of Sehun’s neck, fingers tangled into his hair as the tiniest whimpers escape his lips as he nears his orgasms while his body shakes until he finally comes, the expression of utter peace and bliss is etched across his face. That’s when Sehun thinks he’s the most beautiful.

Jongin’s beautiful outside of the bedroom as well, like when he laughs and his nose scrunches up, or when he smiles at seeing Sehun approach him when they decide to go out. He likes when Jongin’s sleepy, he leans against whoever sits next to him and closes his eyes, he looks peaceful like that, naturally beautiful. He even manages to look beautiful when he just wakes up with his hair sticking out in all directions, eyes puffy with sleep and lips just slightly dry, body back to the golden glow of the warm sun instead of the cool moon. Sehun associated Jongin with the warmth of the sun, always a ray of sunlight for him and their friends with any little action he did, making him beautiful inside and out.

Jongin’s personality made him beautiful, too. He didn’t have a mean bone in his body or even an interest in displaying rude attitude. He showed care for his friends, putting all his personal issues aside to help any of them if they were even in slight distress or upset over the most minuscule of things. Sehun was sure Jongin would allow his friends to walk all over him, and he’d still take care of all of them and let his heart bleed for all of them, his heart was too big for people who didn’t show it correctly. Jongin overall was incredibly beautiful, Sehun was lucky to be able to have him in bed anytime he pleases.

If Sehun was a different person and not one who didn’t know how to process what he was feeling correctly, he was sure he could love Jongin. In his full honesty, he didn’t even know if he already did love Jongin, he couldn’t tell if he loved people he had full relationships with until after they left and the ache in his chest was too much to deal with. Jongin was easy to love, everyone loved Jongin whether it was platonic or romantic and Sehun knew he loved Jongin platonically, so why try to figure out something if it’s already good where it’s at? Sometimes, if he let his feelings wander, he found himself missing Jongin’s presence in his bed next to him, he liked leaving kisses to his skin before he left as he mentally basked in how gorgeous the tan male is next to him. Sometimes, he wonders what it’s like to hold Jongin’s hand if they were to go out in public with one another, or kiss his cheek or even just grab him by the face and kiss him for the hell of it. But, since Sehun is terrified of emotions past his comfort level of contentment or anger, he shuts them down and doesn’t allow himself to wonder if he maybe loved Jongin, keeping them where they at felt safe and good enough for him to get by. He did know though that his friends with benefits relationship with Jongin is what got him by on his hardest days sometimes, and he did think about that more often than he’d like.

 

Sehun’s apartment was minimal, much different than Jongin’s since his appeared more barren and empty, but he didn’t see a need for excess clutter when he already had the necessities. He checked his phone to grimace at it being two in the morning, shuffling in. After locking his door and kicking his shoes off by the door, he made his way to his bedroom and slipped off each piece of his clothing to crawl into his bed. Baekhyun, his best friend, sent him a text message letting him know that everyone was coming over for a barbecue, well all except Jongin since he hadn’t gotten a response back. Sehun sighed, running a hand over his face before responding a promise to be there, letting him know that Jongin was asleep by the time he left.

Baekhyun was insistent that starting a friends with benefits relationship with Jongin wasn’t the smartest idea, but Sehun didn’t listen. His reasonings were that Jongin was more of the feelings type, more of one to feel things before pursuing anything, Kyungsoo and Chanyeol agreed but Sehun wasn’t about to take advice from them since he was the one who got to see Jongin spread out naked in front of him, anyone would be selfish if they even caught a glimpse of such. Stubbornly, he ignored them, and they openly voiced their opinions to Sehun, but never to Jongin since Jongin was shyer about these aspects of his life, they didn’t want to embarrass him.

Baekhyun signed off with a ‘see you tomorrow’ leaving him to simmer alone in his bed, laid out on his left side. He plugged his phone off, closing his eyes as the only sound that could be heard fill the room was a sigh. It was times like these where his brain would wander off to if he didn’t leave Jongin to wake up alone in the bed, to wake up and see where Sehun was once at and wondered how he felt about it. His brain liked to think about what it would be like if he stayed behind and kept his arms around Jongin’s waist long into the morning, but he didn’t think on it long. He shut off his brain, allowing himself to be met with a curtain of sleep.

 

Jongin came fashionably late with a six pack case of soju, setting it on the table. His shirt was yet another white button down but with dark blue palm tree prints against it, top two buttons undone with black skinnies adorning his legs. His hair was neat and without product, just how Sehun liked it since it wasn’t oily for his fingers to run through. “Hi guys!” His voice was cheery, soft pop music was in the background booming through Baekhyun’s rather loud speakers, all of them turned to him and grinned, noticing he was there unlike Sehun who noticed him the minute he stepped in.

Chanyeol, as always, was the first one to speak with a dumb look of awe on his face that always annoyed Sehun since he has that look on his face every time he sees the other starting from the beginnings of their friendship. “Hi Jonginnie, glad you could make it.” The rest nodded in agreement, Sehun nodding behind his drink, deciding to hold his comment since Chanyeol stole it from him. “Of course I could, and Baekhyun this isn’t much of a barbecue if there’s only us, is there?” Sehun chuckled at that, looking around to see too many plates for not enough people, cups set out, sodas and beers in open coolers with the grill cooking the short rib.

“I invited you guys early, everyone else should be here in about ten minutes, I invited the office.” Jongin nodded, making his way past Sehun with a soft smile to the water cooler, Kyungsoo following behind as he explained his dilemma with the girl at work Yerim and how getting her attention seemed nearly impossible. Sehun, kept his space, like he always did, he didn’t want to crowd up on Jongin right now, not whenever they didn’t know that Sehun leaves him every night all excluding Baekhyun. Sehun really wanted to ask Jongin how he slept, if he woke up okay, how he’s feeling, but with leering ears and eyes it’d be an impossible task to keep discreet so he refrained, deciding to wait until the other guests arrived for more distractions before talking to Jongin one on one like that.

“Are you going to talk to him? Since you left him.” Baekhyun commented snide, standing next to him nursing a newly opened bottle of soju Jongin brought. “I will when more people arrive, so I can avoid confrontations like this, it’s not really your business now is it?” He snapped, turning his head to glare at his shorter friend who seemed impassive to it and only scoffed, rolling his eyes. “Just go talk to him, or Chanyeol will and he’ll talk Jongin’s ear off, we know it.” Sehun heaved out a sigh, shaking his head as a knock on the door sounded throughout the house, Sehun took that as his time to walk away making his way to the warmer climate in the backyard to where Jongin was laughing at something Kyungsoo said. “Jongin-ah.” Sehun called, watching as Jongin turned around to look at him, looking at him with a gleam in his eye that only made Sehun smile, it was an involuntary one.

“Sehunnie, hi,” Jongin gestured over to him, Sehun trudged his way over with a little grumble before smiling at Kyungsoo, who seemed unimpressed at the moment since his conversation was interrupted. “Can I talk to you in private?” Sehun asked, specifically glaring at Kyungsoo who lifted his hands up in defense and made his way elsewhere. “Everything okay, Sehun?” Sehun felt ridiculous, taking Jongin’s hand and ushering them to a more private corner in the fenced backyard but when he figured they were far enough from lurkers he smiled softly, letting go of Jongin’s hand. “Sleep okay? How’re you feeling?” Jongin’s cheeks tinted pink and nodded, tilting his head to the side. “Yeah, slept fine, feel fine, just gets cold when you go so that’s my only complaint.”

Sehun could relate, it always got cold in his bed when he left Jongin, but he didn’t allow himself to think on it too long. It was his own fault anyway, he knew that much so he didn’t give himself much room to complain whereas Jongin could. “Sorry, maybe you could come over tonight?” Jongin blushed a little, he always got shy when Sehun would ask him to come over or for a fuck face to face, although he was sure Jongin got shy through phone calls or text messages too. “We’ll see, Sehun.” Jongin parted when Zitao walked in, Zitao always took a liking to Jongin for some odd reason and clung by his side majority of any event Baekhyun hosted, always telling jokes he was sure to not be a huge fan of but he just liked watching Jongin laugh.

Sehun parted from the corner, greeting whoever came his way, making polite conversation here and there with soft smiles on his lips. One beer turned into two, it seemed to stay that way as he kept nursing it in his hand, watching as the party droned on and on. He made conversation with people about things he knew he wouldn’t remember here and there. The music was something like house music, it turned on about halfway into the party, and eventually two beers turned into three. Eventually Sehun’s eyes veered through the crowd to find Jongin who was still with Zitao who was too close for Sehun’s liking. He didn’t want Jongin to fuck with anybody else, and Sehun knew he never ever did, Sehun kept his side as well. “Pardon me,” he said politely, making his way through the crowded backyard over to Jongin, lightly wrapping his fingers around the tanner male’s wrist. “Jongin.”

Sehun watched as Jongin looked at him with pink cheeks and lips parted, they were wet from the beer or the saliva from his tongue brushing against his lips. “Um, Zitao, I have to go.” Zitao pulled away, smiling politely at Sehun, Sehun could only mentally chuckle. Everyone was in love with Jongin in some way, it was obvious in the way they’d look at him, Sehun was just luckier than the others and he knew it, it filled his ego. “Bye, Jongin.” Sehun felt the smug smirk move onto his face as he moved Jongin away, pulling him into the house, past the annoyed faces at Sehun’s cocky demeanor from Baekhyun, Chanyeol, Kyungsoo, and Jongdae, Jongin following along by the tug of the wrist. “Jealous, Sehunnie?”

Sehun snorted at that, it wasn’t jealousy it was possessive, he thinks at least. He never did know where the line started and ended for that. “No, you’re just mine, I’d like it to stay that way where only I touch you, no one else is of worth.” They made their way upstairs into an empty bathroom, Jongin’s back hitting the door as soon as it shut and locked with a gasp escaping his lips. “Are you mine, Jongin?” Jongin nodded, Sehun didn’t process the words Jongin was saying since he could see something pool in his eyes. It wasn’t the same lust he saw in his eyes, but one of sadness or intense hope that almost suffocated him. Sehun didn’t want to focus on that, zoning back in to hear Jongin whispering in his ear about how he was only Sehun’s, it got him back in the mood relatively quick.

Jongin’s lips were hot and needy on his, breathing heavily past his lips as their hands roamed on one another’s bodies. Jongin always went for Sehun’s hair, Sehun liked having his hair tugged, Jongin liked tugging on things when he became needy or just needed something within his hold. Sehun, on the other hand, always went for Jongin’s ass, cupping it in his fingers to pull him flush against his body, always relished in the smirk Jongin emitted when he would spank it either bare or over fabric. Jongin’s tongue was pliant this time since the obvious demeanor in his attitude was blatant, he was possessive, he didn’t like sharing and Jongin was always one to let Sehun take and take even when he had no more to give. Their lips were parted with hot breathy sighs or small whimpers when Sehun’s tongue would flick against the roof of his mouth or tongue with soft sucks and nips to his bottom lip.

“We need to go to mine,” Sehun rasped out, moving his fingers to lock into Jongin’s hair to yank him back against the wall, Jongin’s eyes met his through a nod, leaning his body against the wall to relax himself in order to be presentable on the way out. “Okay, yours.” Sehun took Jongin’s hand this time, but their fingers didn’t interlace since he felt that was too personal, he could catch the look in Jongin’s eyes when they never laced together, a look of longing.

They made their way out the bathroom, waving bye to everyone as Jongin trailed close behind Sehun, both giggling like teenagers as they went to Sehun’s car, finding any excuse to kiss until Jongin was against the passenger side door. Sehun had Jongin straddling his thigh, grinding his hips slow against it as they giggled into their messy kiss, fingers holding tight onto Sehun’s shirt at his shoulders instead of the hair. Sehun loved when he could feel Jongin’s smile into the kiss, he didn’t let his mind simmer on why but he was sure Jongin loved it, too.

 

Jongin stayed, Sehun trailed his fingers along Jongin’s waist as he held him close to his chest, watching his chest rise and fall in even breaths as he slept. This morning he woke up warm with Jongin still resting against him, fingers resting against his pale torso, his lips was pressed open mouthed in between Sehun’s shoulders, Sehun felt himself smile but he wasn’t entirely sure as to why. “Jonginnie, baby.” He murmured softly, running his fingers through Jongin’s hair in an attempt to wake him up.

He only got a noncommittal hum, making him chuckle. “Wake up.” Jongin opened his eyes, sleepily looking up at Sehun with a faint huff passing his lips.

“Morning, sorry I fell asleep here.” Sehun’s eyebrows furrowed together, Jongin never apologized for sleeping over, today a look of sadness was lilted into his eyes. “You never say sorry,” Sehun whispered, cupping Jongin’s cheek, “why would you now?” Jongin looked up at him with a blank look, clearing his throat, looking away quickly as he pulled away from Sehun, sitting up. “You just always leave so I figure you want me to leave to and, um, never mind.” He was off, it was obvious in the way he got out from the bed and slipped on his boxers. Sehun never stopped Jongin from leaving when he wanted to, but he didn’t want the other to leave when he was off like this, especially now where a look of pain was across his face and gestured in his body was sadness.

“No, hey, come back here.” Sehun got up, bunching the sheets onto his body crawling on his knees across the bed to take Jongin’s hand and pull him back on the bed. He sat behind the other, bringing his arms around his waist and rested his chin on Jongin’s shoulder, tilting his head downwards. “What’s wrong, Jongin?” Jongin shook his head, he didn’t attempt to shrug Sehun off and with a sigh he moved his hand to hold Sehun’s, Sehun never let their fingers intertwine, it’d play on his dreamy fantasies he didn’t want to think about too much.

“Nothing, bad dream, I’m fine.” Jongin said quietly, turning his head over his shoulder to kiss Sehun’s cheek, shrugging off his hand as he got up and made his way back to his clothes slipping them on. “I’ll see you later, yeah?” Jongin flashed him the best smile he could muster, Sehun could tell between the real smiles or the one’s he had to try to make look real, this was one. He didn’t say much else, nodding slowly, smiling faint. “Yeah, see you later.” Jongin walked out with his head tucked down, leaving Sehun to sit in the bed and ponder at the sudden developments that happened.

 

Sehun always craved bubble tea, sitting in the cafe with the straw pressed to his lips as he listened to Baekhyun babble on about the party after they left. Chanyeol danced, Sehun was sad to have missed comedy gold. Jongdae hit on Zitao and got shut down in under a minute flat, it was timed. Kyungsoo drank the most beers out of everyone in the group making him so drunk he had to crash with Baekhyun since he couldn’t walk straight on his own two feet. While that all sounded like a blast, Sehun knew he had the best night of them all.

He was still thinking about this morning when Jongin rushed out and even apologized for doing something he always did. It wouldn’t kill Sehun to voice that it’s more than okay if Jongin stayed the night but he figured Jongin’s responsible for himself, he’d only get concerned if Jongin left immediately following the sex like Sehun does.

The bell to the diner chimed as Chanyeol walked in with Jongin on his arm, head resting on his bicep as he looked up at the taller telling him something that looked rather interesting but Chanyeol always looked at Jongin like that. Chanyeol looked at Jongin like he were the world whereas Jongin looked at Sehun like that, Sehun wonders if he looks at Jongin like that too. “Hey guys,” Jongin greets, getting Chanyeol to snap out of it smiling at them, both sitting next to one another promptly but Jongin took the seat to sit across from Sehun. “Where’s Kyungsoo and Dae?” Jongin asked, leaning against Chanyeol again who had rested his hand on his shoulder, fingers softly brushing against his jawline. Sehun knew he was jealous now, watching Chanyeol give him the affection he only rarely allowed himself to daydream of. Clearly, it was more than a daydream, more of a want.

“Kyungsoo had a raincheck, Jongdae should be here soon.” Baekhyun replied, jabbing Sehun in the side with his elbow to probably stop his death glare at Chanyeol which worked for a few moments until the glare was casted downwards to the table. Sehun and Jongin usually sat next to one another, Jongin didn’t lean on Sehun like that though and maybe it was because the aura Sehun casted was obvious that he was really into this friends with benefits thing, that he had no interest in anything more. Chanyeol, on the other hand, was just Jongin’s friend and while Chanyeol looks at Jongin like he’s something more he remains Jongin’s friend who hold hands sometimes.

Jongin lost interest in figuring out where their friends were, listening to Chanyeol with soft giggles erupting from his lips. Normally, this wouldn’t bother him, but Jongin didn’t even smile his way like he always did. Whatever Jongin dreamt of last night or realized or maybe it had to do with the sadness and hope that lurked in his eyes as he stared at Sehun, it rattled him enough to act totally different today. “Jongin,” Sehun called out softly, perfect in time for Jongdae to show up. The tan male looked up at him, the sadness and hope was swimming deep in his eyes, it was something Sehun could drown in but while he may have not looked it, he felt that look in his own feelings. “Can I talk to you, please?”

Jongin nodded, untangling himself from Chanyeol, both making their way outside to the front of the restaurant. Jongin wouldn’t even make eye contact with him, rubbing his arm like he did when he’s sad or nervous, Sehun took his hands in his own, slowly lacing their fingers and ignoring the searing burn of butterflies skyrocket in his chest. “Baby, look at me please.” Jongin looked up at him slowly, Sehun was drowning in how he looked at him. “I didn’t like how we left things this morning, what was your nightmare about?” Sehun wasn’t sure if Jongin really did have a nightmare, but from how the other looked at him he could tell something was bothering him intensely and Sehun was sure he wouldn’t say it.

He was right as Jongin just stepped over to him, pressing his lips to his in a tender soft kiss before hugging him. Sehun held him close, both their fingers tangled in their shirts, eyes fluttering shut. Jongin always felt warm, and he ignored every feeling and thought that this is where Jongin belonged, he didn’t like thinking about it, he didn’t like processing his feelings so he lived in his ignorant bliss. “Don’t worry,” Jongin whispered quietly, parting from him with a faux smile.

Sehun shook his head, lifting his hand now to hold Jongin’s cheeks, staring into his eyes. “I worry about you, all the time,” his voice was barely above a murmur. Jongin looked up at him with a soft exhale escaping his lips. “Do you?” Sehun heard the neediness in his voice, it was hard and in need of validation, Sehun nodded for him. “I do, of course.” Jongin smiled genuinely for the first time, he could tell since it met his eyes and the bridge of his nose was scrunched up. “Okay, good.” Sehun hummed, pressing a kiss to his cheek, “let’s go back in, yeah?”

They walked back in, Jongin still leaned on Chanyeol but gave Sehun more eye contact with small giggles in between if Sehun made funny faces. With every giggle or smile, Sehun felt a little more relaxed and a sated content feeling within his chest, a feeling he could only get from the validation of Jongin’s smile alone. He also got validation from when Jongin would look at him like he were the universe, the more Sehun thought about how Jongin looked at him, the more he may have noticed Jongin really believing that Sehun was his start and his end. His thoughts stopped abruptly when he started to question if he looked at Jongin like that, his feelings were content under the surface, so instead he focused on Jongin’s.

 

The sadness continued to dance in Jongin’s eyes until it was apparent that something was making him sad. It’d go away if Sehun touched him, kissed him, fucked him, but when he went to bed at night there was a silence in the room that was deafening. The weight of sadness and confusion along with strings of hopelessness filled the room with an unsettling energy not meant for bed time which gave Sehun all the more excuses to leave after sex. Jongin though, he stayed in Sehun’s bed and sometimes he’d curl up to him, Sehun could feel the vibrating energy of pent up feelings push into him. The change in Jongin was even noticeable by their friends who all had something to say about it excluding Chanyeol who still trailed behind him like a stray dog.

Jongin kissed harder, needier, and when he pulled away his lips always lingered behind like this was the last time, every single time. When Sehun would touch him or whisper something filthy in his ear, it felt like Jongin was having a debate with himself if he should, like he promised himself something but broke it when he whipped around to kiss Sehun. His inner debate continued but Sehun didn’t make a comment or even showed an interest to ask what was wrong or help. He knew the truth that Jongin was battling something involving him, he may have not known entirely if it were that it was feelings or a conflict of interest involving Sehun. In a way, Sehun did know, and he had no shame using Jongin for whenever they both wanted to have sex, he was shameless.

Jongin was a grown adult and surely it may have portrayed that he only saw Jongin as an object and didn’t care for his well being but that wasn’t the case. Sehun cared about Jongin more than anyone in the world but he liked fucking him more than protecting him from a broken heart or hurt feelings or a messy situation that would get out of hand. He had no shame, he’d fuck him even if it meant hurting him, so he’ll keep it a secret for now that he knows something is up with Jongin, he’d rather be able to fuck him and hold him in his arms for a few more nights than rob himself of the pleasure of drowning in Jongin’s full lips.

 

They were in Sehun’s bed a few weeks later, both still coming down from their orgasms that left Sehun in a state of bliss as he listened to their panting fill the room. He was almost in a cloud nine state of mind but he was still in his element of being able to notice things, such as Jongin pulling the covers from his body and slipped into his boxers. “Where are you going?” His voice was scratchy, rolling over on his side to be able to look at Jongin who was being bathed by the silver gleam of the moon. “Home,” he hesitated before answering, making Sehun’s eyebrows furrow and swallow dryly. “Home? You always stay the night.” Jongin pulled on his sweater, fixing the sleeves on his arms and tilt his head to the side. “You always leave so I figured I should too.” It was a lie, Jongin wouldn’t even look in his direction and his voice wavered slightly. “You’re lying to me, why are you lying to me?” Sehun’s voice raised making Jongin flinch a little, shaking his head as a faint sniffle could be heard in the room. “I don’t want to talk about this.”

Sehun sat up, reaching over to the side of his bed and put on his boxers, sitting now on the bed. “No, we need to talk about this because you’ve been off with me for weeks now and it’s like you’re debating with yourself to come here and be with me. Is there someone else or do you have feelings for me?” Jongin looked at him, through the faint moonlight peering into the window he could see tears welling up in his eyes. “Did you know I had feelings for you this entire time? You could see my hurt this entire time?” Jongin’s voice broke as he stood at the foot of the bed with his jeans resting on the mattress, fingers clenched tight into them. “Yeah, I knew.” Jongin broke out a sob, putting his hands over his face with a shaky exhale.

“You knew I loved you this whole time and you _saw_ me hurting and you continued to use me for whenever we both wanted?” Sehun felt his blood boil beneath his skin at the mention of using Jongin, that wasn’t what he was doing in his eyes so he scoffed. “Seems as if you like being hurt since you keep coming back, seems as if you’ve become the pain.” Jongin looked at him through tears rushing down his face, shaking his head. “I kept coming back because I love you, Sehun. You call me because you’re too scared to be loved or accept it, and I just wanted to be close to you. I could’ve left, and found someone else to do this with.” Sehun laughed bitterly now, shaking his head. “And who’s going to love you and touch you like I do? Fuck you like I do?” Jongin’s body was shaking as he pulled on his jeans.“I didn’t leave because no one can, no one is you, and I love you, you _knew_ that. You fucking knew that and you knew I was hurting.” Sehun shrugged, his heart was aching miserably with sadness but he ignored it and vouched for his pride, voice raising in his tone. “I have no shame in the matter. You should’ve walked away if it had been such a issue.”

Jongin shook his head, running his hands over his face, voice finally at the same level of Sehun’s. “Do you care about me at all? If I were you I would’ve stopped, I would’ve kept you safe and protected you from the type of pain I feel right now.” Sehun kept quiet, lips pursed together in a line, getting up as he gripped hard at Jongin’s wrist. “I care about you more than anybody in the fucking universe, Kim Jongin. Don’t you ever question that again.” Jongin looked up at him, sniffling and Sehun saw raw emotion and betrayal in his eyes. “Not enough since my body was more of a priority to you than my actual feelings.” Sehun held Jongin to him, shaking his head with his jaw clenched, filled with anger at the accusations Jongin was throwing his way. “You’re my friend, we have benefits, that’s all this relationship is, I have no shame and I’m not sorry for fucking you while you were pining and hurting over me. If you wanted to walk away, you would have, I’m not here to be responsible for you and take care of you, I’m here to use you whenever we want to.”

Jongin ripped his wrist from Sehun’s grip, shaking his head. “So you admit it, you used me whenever you want no matter what I’m feeling,” Sehun said nothing, he couldn’t take back his word but he hated that he said he used Jongin. His heart was pleading with him to take it back, but he was set in his pride. “Right, goodbye Sehun.” Jongin shoved past Sehun making his way out the door, leaving Sehun to turn around. “Who’s going to do what I can for you?” He felt tears well up in his eyes at watching Jongin walk out the door, his heart hammering and mind begging Jongin to stay behind. Begging Jongin to stay with him and kiss him, and he didn’t know why and it was all his fault that he didn’t know why, he never let himself think on it too long. Jongin didn’t answer but broke out in a sob, the front door slamming was a confirmation that he was gone.

 

Days passed but Sehun’s pride didn’t break, his arrogance was high. He didn’t text, didn’t call, he didn’t do anything to insinuate wanting contact with Jongin and fortunately it was mutual for him since Jongin didn’t make contact. In fact, he took the first leap and told their group of friends he wouldn’t be hanging out with them if Sehun were there, and to him at the time that was fine since he was still tinged with anger at the situation alone.

When weeks passed, a heaviness sat hard in Sehun’s chest. One that said sadness, one that whispers longing for someone to come back and be near him, that someone is Jongin. He lay in bed at night rolled over on the side to face where Jongin always slept, closing his eyes to imagine the soft breathing from Jongin. He likes to imagine the tan slope of his back still present next to him and the weight in the bed or even the tug from Jongin when he moves out of the sheets. Naturally, his pride broke first and he sent Jongin a text message asking to talk, but he received nothing in return. Jongin didn’t answer his calls, Jongin didn’t answer his text messages, Jongin was silent. The weight in his chest only increased, and his longing for Jongin to be near grew stronger.

A month passed and he knew he loved Jongin more than anyone in the world. The weight in his chest turned into something that consumed him like flames taking over his body. The flame was love since he could feel every piece of his heart find something of Jongin in any single place he could look. He saw dogs, he thought of Jongin. Cream colored sweaters made him think of Jongin, fruit smoothies made him think of Jongin, teahouses or green tea ice cream made him think of Jongin. Seeing couples hold hands made him think of all the times he wanted to hold Jongin’s hand and shrugged the thought off, that idea alone made him wince. Seeing couples kiss made him think of kissing Jongin or even the kisses he wills himself to not think of, such as the kisses where they laugh into it or the ones when they walk away from one another they come back for multiple smaller ones.

Sehun showed up at Jongin’s door and he was sure Jongin wasn’t home, if there was one thing he knew about him is that he’d never be cruel enough to leave Sehun sitting outside at his doorstep for hours. Sehun waited for Jongin to come home, but he never did and took himself home after leaving a note on the door saying he was here, he misses him, he thinks he loves him. It became a confirmed thought after he went home that night and laid in his empty bed, wanting to see Jongin next to him, fresh hot tears slid down his face and he cried himself to sleep that night.

Three months passed and Sehun didn’t give up, he wasn’t as persistent as before but he reminded Jongin once a week that he wants to talk, he misses him, he loves him. He knows now that his friends agreed to the terms of seeing Jongin without Sehun since they go to see Jongin very often, all the time. At first it stung but he respected Jongin’s wishes, and he didn’t want to take sides considering it was his fault they were in this mess in the first place. It took him two and a half months for his pride to completely break and realize that he was wrong, that he was an asshole, that Jongin deserved better than how Sehun treated him, etc. He told Baekhyun he loves Jongin, all their friends knew, but Baekhyun got the brunt of every single emotion. Sehun called Baekhyun crying sometimes at night as he spilled how much he hated what he did and he should’ve taken their advice to avoid a situation like the one they’re in now. He asks Baekhyun how Jongin’s doing, and when they hug their hugs linger because Sehun misses hugging Jongin so much he tries to find a replacement. Baekhyun isn’t Jongin, Baekhyun smells like pine whereas Jongin always smelled like fresh vanilla or clean linen. He felt shame now, sitting here, soaking in the revelations of his past year with Jongin that he’s always loved him but treated him like shit, Sehun figures he deserves this. He deserves the silence he’s gotten from Jongin. 

 

Five months and it was Sehun’s Friday night with his friends, they all changed their usual hangout spot to a new bar that opened up a few weeks after the fight. Sehun likes the place enough, the drinks are cheaper and there’s a better atmosphere but he misses the memories he got when he sat in the booth and looked across to see Jongin smiling at him with his dreamy look across his face. Sehun and Baekhyun showed up at the same time, Kyungsoo was early and Jongdae came trudging behind a few minutes late.

Chanyeol, the ever fashionably late at all times, was disregarded in the moment as they placed an order for their first round. Chanyeol always came during the second round of beers, so he didn’t mind much at the missing piece to their night at the moment. It was a good night, Jongdae spilled the drama going on at work and it was juicy, Kyungsoo still struck out with Yerim, Baekhyun on the other hand had an intricate story of his boss at work Junmyeon who almost got caught watching porn. It was an entertaining night all in all but when it came time to place their order for the second round, Chanyeol wasn’t here yet.

“Hey, where’s Chanyeol?” Sehun’s eyebrows were furrowed in confusion, taking a once over scan of the bar to see if he maybe missed him but it’d be impossible to miss someone as tall as him in a place wheremajority are sitting. “Isn’t this our night?” Sehun asked to the silence enveloping the table, turning to face them, mainly looking at Baekhyun sitting across from him. “He’s um, he’s not coming.” Sehun noticed the tension at the table, he knew it wasn’t something simple like Chanyeol couldn’t make it or Chanyeol got busy or he’s sick, it was something that they knew would upset him.

“So, what is it then. The silence is louder than words could ever be, why can’t he show up?” Kyungsoo looked over to Baekhyun, sighing out softly. “We should tell him,” Baekhyun shook his head before Jongdae pursed his lips together. “He’s right here, just tell him. He’ll find out sooner or later, Baek.” Sehun rolled his eyes, looking directly at Baekhyun now who was softly sighing with a shrug to his shoulders. “Chanyeol’s on a date.. with Jongin.”

It was like Sehun’s whole world came to a screeching howling stop, the record scratch used in movies bursted in his mind. “Excuse me?” Baekhyun’s lips parted, watching as Sehun’s eyes started to well with tears. “It’s been five months, Hun.” Sehun spat out a laugh, a hysterical bitter one that finally let the tears slip down his face, hands quickly wiping them away. “You think that’s an excuse for being a shitty friend to me? You all knew, Chanyeol knew, you all fucking knew I love Jongin and what’s worse is you _know_ he loves me. I told you I love him, I skipped out on hanging out because I’m so sad over him, and you think it’s okay to tell Chanyeol to go on a date with him? Where is he?” His voice was on a borderline yell, the vein in his neck was bulging out of anger and clenching, but tears were streaming from his eyes.

“Chanyeol’s been wanting to be with Jongin forever. We’re not going to tell you that.” Kyungsoo tried, Sehun only spat out a bitter laugh rolling his eyes. “And Jongin didn’t want to be with Chanyeol forever and he still loves me so explain that, give me an excuse for that.” Jongdae scoffed, the only one unfazed by Sehun’s anger and clear feeling of betrayal. “What makes you so sure Jongin loves you?” Sehun let the tears steadily fall down his face, sniffling as he started to stand. “You can be hurt by someone and still be around them, that’s what fighting with a friend is like, but when you fight with someone you love and they hurt you like I hurt him? It’s hard to be around them, I hurt him, it’s hard to be around me. He’s still not around me, he still loves me.” Without another word from the table sitting in their guilt, he walked off, outside and to his car where he sat inside.

He put the keys in the ignition but didn’t start the car, tears streaming down his face with his forehead leaning against the steering wheel letting a loud sob pass his lips. His hands were gripping it hard as the tears fell from his face, an accumulation of hurt, betrayal, jealousy, sadness was all beating in his heart. His fingernails were digging into his palm leaving white indents into his skin, a hiccup passing his lips until he leaned his head up, heaving out a breath and reached over to his passenger seat to drink from the water bottle. Once he calmed down, he drove home, turning his phone off to stop the incoming texts and calls that were blowing up his phone.

 

Two days had gone by and Sehun avoided his friends since then. He ignored every text, call, and he only went out to work then came straight home to lay in his bed to cry over Jongin putting himself out there with Chanyeol. Chanyeol, Chanyeol could never give Jongin what Sehun did, Sehun and Jongin were meant to be unlike those two. A knock on his door interrupted his thoughts, shuffling out of the bed he made his way over to it, opening it to see Baekhyun gnawing his bottom lip. “What do you want.” Sehun seethed, eyes narrowing in displeasure turning around to let Baekhyun let himself in.

“You don’t look good,” Baekhyun whispered, entering, Sehun would’ve protested but it was hard to when the truth was in his face. His eyes were bloodshot, had bags beneath his eyes from a lack of sleep, face paler than usual in a sickly way. “Did you come here just to tell me that?” Sehun spat out, looking over at Baekhyun who shook his head with a soft frown on his lips. “No, I didn’t. You know I love you and care about you, right Sehun?” Sehun didn’t nod or shake his head, he didn’t comment or answer anything, leaving Baekhyun to keep on with a soft sigh. “I didn’t mean to betray you I just.. thought it would be good for Jongin,” Sehun shook his head, tears slipping down his face immediately. “You know I love him, I came to you more than anybody else, crying, hating myself, and you just decided to let fucking Chanyeol take him? You know I want to apologize to him and you know I’ve been working on trying to get him to talk to me and yet here you are sending him away. Pushing him away. You all knew I love him, but you knew it the most.” Baekhyun looked at him blankly with tears welling in his eyes, shaking his head he gently rested his hand on Sehun’s bicep. “I can’t lose you too.” Sehun looked down at him, confusion taking over his face as he wiped away his own tears.

“Who did you lose?” Baekhyun’s face grew red as tears fell down his cheeks, Sehun pulled him in for a hug and they held one another like that for a while, Baekhyun was always a louder crier than Sehun, sobs were muffled into Sehun’s shirt all while tears from Sehun’s eyes hit Baekhyun’s shoulders, dampening the fabric. They remained like that for a while, Sehun felt his anger dissipating away from his body with his fingers trailing up and down his best friend’s spine, and eventually he leaned his cheek against his head. “Chanyeol,” he rasped out finally, Sehun’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

Baekhyun lifted his head to look at Sehun, cheeks red, tear stained, under eyes puffy. “I love him and I’d do anything to see him be happy, I felt selfish saying to do otherwise so... I gave him the push.” His voice broke into a crack, leaning against Sehun, and whatever anger Sehun felt in his body now was completely gone, only feeling nothing but sympathy for his best friend who had the tragedy of going through what Jongin did, except Chanyeol didn’t know. Chanyeol didn’t make an ass of himself and become a horrible person, that was all just Sehun. “It’s okay, I forgive you.”

It was silent for a few moments as Baekhyun calmed down, pulling back as he rubbed his eyes with the back of his hands with a sniffle. “They’re on a date right now.” He whispered, looking down at the ground, Sehun felt his stomach sink with a flip. “Where?” Baekhyun shrugged a little, sniffling again and rubbed his nose. “I don’t know the name, some cafe with liquid nitrogen ice cream.” Sehun felt a pain singe up his body, a sick feeling wash across his chest since Sehun was going to take Jongin there five months ago, that was going to be their thing. “I know where they are, and I have to go. That’s the only way he’ll listen.” Baekhyun went to say something but nodded, he must’ve known that Sehun was going to do it either way.

Sehun darted into his bedroom, pulling on some jeans but kept the same shirt, didn’t bother brushing through his hair or washing his face. He wanted Jongin to see how miserable he was without him, he wanted Jongin to understand that he meant all of the words he said in those text messages or phone calls. He tied the converse onto his feet and made his way out the door, looking back to Baekhyun who was curled up on his couch underneath a blanket. “You can stay as long as you want, you have a spare key.” Baekhyun smiled up at him gratefully, wiping his tears with his fingers as he murmured out a ‘thank you’ leaving Sehun to nod and walk out to make his way to the cafe.

 

He could see him from the window, Jongin looked beautiful. Jongin always looked beautiful but there was something about not seeing him for five months that fed every single fantasy of seeing him in his mind. The yellow colored lighting of the cafe made him look tanner, the pastel pink sweater was just atad too long for him, covering his hands as the spoon dug into the green tea ice cream. His black hair was shining beneath the light, and there was a smile on his face but it wasn’t a smile Sehun got to see on his lips, it wasn’t one that met his eyes. Tears rushed to Sehun’s eyes but he took a deep breath, pushing himself forward and walking in.

He walked over to their table, he noticed when Jongin looked at him with the warm brown eyes he only dreamed of now. Sehun almost froze in his place but he kept walking forward now, directly to their table and he rested his hand on it, ignoring Chanyeol completely. “You came here on a date with him, when I was going to take you here five years ago.” He started, voice barely audible to anybody but them. Jongin just stared up at him blankly but as always, Sehun read him like a book. Sehun could see the surprise, sadness, hurt, but love circulating through his eyes, Sehun could see it all. “I called you, texted you, sat at your doorstep for hours waiting for you to come home, for five months. Does he know you like I do? Does he know whether you like horror movies or sci-fi movies more? Does he know what you look like when you’re really smiling and when it meets your eyes? Does he know how beautiful you look when you wake up and your hair is askew? Does he know what your pouts look like varying on your mood? Because I do.” His voice rose with each sentence he spoke but it was shaky, tears falling from his eyes.

“Sehun, don’t-” Sehun whirled around, turning around now to look at Chanyeol with an angry expression. “Don’t fucking talk to me. You know I love him, and you know he loves me, but yet here you are in my way of expressing how sorry I am to him, and on a date with someone who has no romantic interest in you. Fake friend is what you are to me.” Chanyeol’s jaw was clenched, swallowing hard he looked back down to the table, Sehun turned around to meet a teary eyed Jongin, he inhaled a little shakily to calm down. “I love you, Jongin. I’m sorry for everything I did, and I’ll go into more detail about this if you want to talk about this somewhere else. You have my phone number, you know where I live, okay? I miss you.”

Sehun wiped away his tears with his arm, sniffling harshly before smiling with his lips in a tight line. Jongin nodded faintly, but he didn’t say a word, Sehun turned around and made his way out of the cafe, ignoring all the eyes on them and the murmurs from Chanyeol asking if he wanted to go. Jongin said nothing, he caught that much, and he could tell his eyes were on his retreating form leaving the shop.

 

More silence, but Sehun was patient. He relied on the way Jongin looked at him more than anything, he relied on the sadness that swam in his eyes. Oddly enough though, he didn’t get a call from Baekhyun, usually Chanyeol would tell his friends what happened but he hadn’t even gotten a call from Baekhyun about the ordeal, just sent text messages back and forth providing one another emotional support they really needed. Although, his phone rang with Baekhyun’s contact picture flashing across the screen, Sehun answered after clearing his throat.

“Baek?” Baekhyun shuffled, he could hear the blankets rustling beneath him against the bed and eventually a small quiet sigh sounded into the phone. “So you did go up there, then.” Sehun settled onto his couch with a rub to his nose. “Yeah, but this is a little late in asking, I went after you came over and told me. Did Chanyeol just now say something?” Baekhyun giggled softly into the phone, answering Sehun’s question, settling down into the cushion he pressed the phone closer to his ear to listen to Baekhyun. “He didn’t tell me what you did, to be exact, you probably took a shot at his ego if he didn’t say anything but he did tell me Jongin called it off with him romantically.”

The sticky tar feeling in his chest lifted immediately, he felt like he could take a clear breath, he felt better again. “Did he?” He tried to speak without a tinge happiness pouring into his voice, or hope at least but it failed since he sounded dramatically less pitiful. “He did, I think he’s going to talk to you soon.” Sehun smiled to himself, feeling himself become surrounded by warmth until a knock appeared on his door. “Baek, I gotta go, someone’s here.” They said their goodbyes as Sehun made his way off the couch and to his door, pocketing his phone. He fumbled clumsily with the doorknob after unlocking it, looking straight ahead to see Jongin who had bloodshot eyes, tear stained and puffy face, Sehun thought he looked beautiful regardless.

“Jongin.” He breathed out, looking at Jongin who fixed his messy hair, sniffling a little as he huddled into himself. “Sehun.” Sehun didn’t know what to say and for once out of his five months of self realization, his brain stopped thinking, it wouldn’t process a single thought. “I didn’t expect you to be here, a phone call maybe,” he trailed but Jongin shook his head, running a hand through his hair. “This is something we need to talk about in person, and you did sit outside my door step for hours didn’t you? Can I come in?” Sehun snapped out of the awe of seeing Jongin, stepping aside to let the other in.

He shut the door softly, the click of the door barely audible. He had to make the first move, Jongin was here and in his presence and well, if he didn’t make the first move he was afraid of what would happen if Jongin did. “I didn’t know entirely what was off about you,” he started, turning around to see Jongin who looked around at Sehun’s apartment as if it were a long lost home, the tears in his eyes being a dead giveaway of such. “I assumed it was one or the other that either you loved me or you were seeing someone else. And, and I didn’t realize it now but I kept having sex with you because no one would make me feel like you do.” He wiped at his teary eyes, sniffling with a deep inhale and wrinkled up his nose, watching Jongin who was staring at him through tears sliding down his cheeks.

“I was selfish, I was selfish with you because I kept coming back to you and using you and indulge in all the moments we wanted it. Then, then I blamed you in order to avoid coming to terms with my feelings but I remember when you asked me if I even cared for you. That hurt my feelings because fuck I care for you more than myself, I want to protect you and hold you, hold your hand, kiss you, keep you safe from every single bad thing in the world but I didn’t realize that I wasn’t protecting you from me,” his voice broke through his tears, wiping at them with the palms of his hands. His heart was lightening itself from the guilt but would drown in the sadness of his self loathe he felt with how he treated Jongin. Nausea and sickness swirled in his throat and stomach, anxieties taking over him that Jongin could reject him.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t protect you from me, I could’ve just let you leave that night, I could’ve just let you gone and we could’ve just been friends and I could’ve realized in my own time that I love you. I could’ve told you, we could be better off but instead I chased you off for five months because I claimed to have no shame in taking advantage of what I knew you felt for me,” his voice was shaky, tears bleary and teeth sinking into his bottom lip for a moment to control the loud sob that would escape his lips at any given time. “I chased you away from me and I realized that I loved you through realizing I missed every single thing about you. I missed every single thing about you from the way that you sleep or the small noises you make when you stretch or the face you make when you drop something and the noise is loud. I love you so much, Jongin.”

Sehun couldn’t see through his tears, body shaking with tears as he felt his legs slightly shake beneath him. He didn’t stop though, he didn’t even notice Jongin shuffling closer to him slowly. “I love everything about you and from the way you pout when you’re hungry or sad or mad, I love when your smile matches your eyes, and when your laugh is genuine it’s like light. I love your sweaters and button downs, your obsession with teddy bears, your love for dogs, your taste in honey earl grey tea. I love when you eat breakfast when you’re half asleep and you miss your mouth with the utensil more than once because you have your eyes closed and you’re half asleep. I love when you’re mad and you get passive aggressive until the right button is pressed, and even though you’re a crier when you’re angry I love you anyway and I think you’re beautiful no matter how you look.” He couldn’t breathe by the time he was done, heaving out a sob, shiver spiraling down his spine when he felt Jongin’s hand resting on his shoulder.

Sehun wiped harshly at his eyes to the point he saw a kaleidoscope shapes of a galaxy underneath his eyelids. He looked up, breathing through his mouth since he couldn’t breathe from his nose any longer, Jongin looked worse than he did. Sehun was sure Jongin had been dying to hear Sehun confess his love for him, judging by Jongin’s eyes he could see the happiness combined with an overwhelming amount of feeling spread like wildfire through his chest. “Sehun, breathe okay?” Sehun nodded, both ushering to a couch to sit down. Sehun’s body was still shaking with tears streaming down his face, inhaling shakily as he chanted a mantra of apologies, leaning into Jongin’s body who ran his fingers through his hair, shushing him softly. “It’s okay, it’s okay, I forgive you. Did you really sit out on my stoop to wait for me to get home?”

Sehun nodded, looking up at Jongin, sniffling as he rubbed his nose. “I did, you never came home.” Jongin shrugged a little bit, leaning his cheek against Sehun’s head. “Stayed at my sisters for a while, I’m sorry I didn’t ever reach out to you to talk about this. I still love you, you know.” Sehun’s chest flushed with a warmth that felt like a fire in his chest, but in the best possible way. “I knew you did, I love you.” Jongin giggled faintly, and even though it was stuffy it sounded like music to Sehun’s ears; it was his favorite sound. He sat up quickly and threw his arms around Jongin’s neck, fingers lacing through the soft tendrils of his hair, nearly breaking out into a relieved sob when Jongin’s arms were tight around his waist, a smile on his lips now and a genuine one when he heard Jongin whisper he loved him too. “Want to go on a date with me?” Sehun whispered, Jongin nodded, breathing out shakily. “Thought you’d never ask.”

 

Sehun and Jongin sat in the booth of their bar, Jongin curled up underneath his arm with his head resting on his shoulder two months later. It took two months for everything to patch up between Sehun, Kyungsoo, and Jongdae. They apologized and Sehun apologized immediately for being so snappy, he was only so agreeable since it was the third week of going on dates with Jongin and waking up next to him in bed with him. Of course he was happy, and he was more than willing to forgive anyone for anything, even the friends who encouraged Chanyeol to go on a date with the man he loves. Chanyeol took more work than he expected, but it worked with a lot of talking and Jongin encouraging him to do so along with Baekhyun on Chanyeol’s end.

Right now though, he didn’t focus on his friend’s loud laughter or the retro music overhead in the bar. Sehun’s eyes were only on Jongin who had his arms wrapped around his waist, laughing at whatever Baekhyun had to say with his head resting against his shoulder. Sehun’s fingers softly lifted Jongin’s chin, having whatever he was saying be cut off so he could stare into the warm brown eyes that were slightly red from the alcohol sitting on the table. He got so lost in how beautiful Jongin is, his tanned skin and black hair that always fell in front of his eyes, the pink color of his plush full lips. He looked soft and sweet in his pastel blue sweater, and it was moments like this that Sehun wanted to just kiss Jongin.

He leaned down now, pressing his lips softly to Jongin’s, and to him the natural salt taste of Jongin’s lips never got old. The beer was evident in his mouth but it was still Jongin’s mouth, and it was still Sehun kissing Jongin feeling so full of love and at home. He smiled against Jongin’s lips after feeling Jongin’s smile, lips slowly moving against one another with soft giggles falling into the kiss. These were Sehun’s favorite kisses, when he could hear Jongin giggle into their kiss. His hand moved up to Jongin’s cheek to brush his thumb slowly along his cheekbone with their kiss deepening now with their lips moving slower until a harsh kick hit his shin.

Sehun pulled away, looking up at Jongdae with a glare. “I’m busy here,” he sassed out making the other four laugh. “Exactly, break it up, break it up.” Sehun rolled his eyes playfully, fixing himself in the seat to look over at them, Jongin still underneath his arm. “You guys don’t do this to Chanyeol and Baekhyun, maybe it’s because you can’t stand the sight of true love,” Sehun joked making them all laugh but the only one he could listen to was Jongin’s.

They left early, to say the least and Sehun made love to Jongin slowly with plenty of kisses covering the expanse of Jongin’s body. They whispered that they love one another with softly spoken compliments in between, filling one another’s chests and hearts with warmth and love. He lay now in Jongin’s bed, studying Jongin’s sleeping figure who was curled against his chest, a warm smile spread across his lips now as he stared down at him. “I love you so much Kim Jongin, and I’ll never leave your bed at night again.” Sehun meant that promise, and he meant that he would never leave Jongin again and would stay for as long as Jongin would keep him. Sehun’s shameless in admitting it to anybody who hinted towards asking.


End file.
